I have anxiety.
I never knew I had anxiety until I finally went to see a therapist two years ago after a really bad fight with my (now) ex-boyfriend. It’s crazy now to think that things had ever gotten that bad, but they did. Even then, my therapist never told me I had anxiety. Instead, she listened to me and created a safe space to gentle nudge me to recognize my unhealthy thought patterns and triggers, which I later learned was called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
In those 6 months of therapy, I learned to recognize where my anxiety came from and how to deal with it. There is no cure for anxiety, but there are steps you can take to mitigate it. Anxiety comes in many different forms, but for me, my anxiety would be a voice in my head telling me I was not good enough, I would never succeed, my work sucks, etc. I used to just numb my anxiety with more work. I eased the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough by doing enough. I would work from 9-5 and then go to a coffee shop after work to work some more. I had an insane work ethic, but it made me feel better. Unbeknownst to me then, I had all the symptoms of someone suffering from high functioning anxiety. To you guys I would preach about the value of working hard, but in reality I needed to work like crazy to feel like I wasn’t sinking into nothingness. And honestly, it was exhausting.
"I eased the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough by doing enough."
Therapy helped a lot and God was good. in 2016, I broke up with my ex and I quit my job, both of which were devastating at the time, but incredibly necessarily in forcing me to finally rest. 2016 was the year I looked inward and decided to pursue authenticity because anything less would have been a continual lie to myself. With faith and support from my best friends, I finally learned to build a life where I am happy.
That’s where Rosy comes in. When I said it’s my thesis, it really is the way I want to live my life now. Rosy is positivity. Rosy is transcendent. She's beautiful, feminine and strong. In my #Art of Rosy series, I'm exploring different facets of the female identity through photography. There have only been 2 installments so far, but I'm so excited to see this series continue to evolve as I continue to evolve. After so many years of tearing myself down, I'm relearning the preciousness of the female identity. We are beautiful and no one should ever make us feel less than, much less ourselves. So I hope you will embark on this rosy journey with me. And if no one has ever told you this before, let me be the first to tell you:
You are enough. You are precious.